We’ll call this one hypothetical…

So, I’m sitting at my desk laughing out loud at the evil brilliance that daily sits in my head but never escapes the confines of my imagination.

We’ll call this entire thing hypothetical…

Let’s say, hypothetically, you had been dating someone. And because of the time spent together, you had logged his devices into your Pandora account… because you have the paid account and so you don’t have to listen to any commercials, and duh, that’s just a dating courtesy.

Let’s say, again hypothetically, that dating said-person didn’t end super well. Or rather, it just never really got the ending / reworking of the relationship that it deserved (deserves*)… which feels worse than “didn’t end super well” …or, you know, it would feel worse, if this wasn’t all hypothetical…

Ahem.

Let’s say that now, with a little hurt still sittin’ in your heart, when you log in to your Pandora account, occasionally there’s a new station added to your list. Let’s go so far as to say that even though it stings a little, you end up liking the stupid station. Which is just, ugh… but you like it, damnit… you like it.

You don’t want to be petty and change your password and c’mon, you’re gaining some good new stations. Plus, you know that you’ll be friends again before too long and this will all be kind of funny…

Let’s say though, that you haven’t really gotten to speak your mind on it all… that the topic has been avoided…

Hypothetically.

WHAT IF you were to change all the stations to ones whose titles would speak your mind for you…

It wouldn’t be about the songs themselves… but about what this person saw when they clicked back into the app… Your own little force-you-to-read-me letter…

Ha. Haha. Ha.

If you were to do that, which you wouldn’t because you’re an adult and you really do have faith that the friendship will come back around, but if you were… wouldn’t it be funny…

(If your patience for my post is running thin, scroll down through this list, it’s worth it, I promise.)

• There’s always that F/Forget You, Cee Lo song… which is just a little too intense, but the idea of it being on the list… pretty brilliant.
• Same with that I Hate Everything About You, Three Days Grace song, not really applicable — to this hypothetical situation — but again, pretty funny.
• I Heard It Through the Grape Vine, Marvin Gay
• Rumor Has It, Adele
• Burn, Usher
• Cold As You, Taylor Swift
• Hell On The Heart, Eric Church
• You Give Love a Bad Name, Bon Jovi
• Like a Wrecking Ball, Eric Church
• You Must Be Out Of Your Mind, Magnetic Fields
• Best Days of Your Life, Kellie Pickler
• I Hate Myself For Loving You, Joan Jett
• Whiskey and You, Chris Stapleton
• You’re So Vain, Carly Simon
• Go Your Own Way, Fleetwood Mac
• Highway to Hell, ACDC
• What Goes Around Comes Around, Justin Timberlake
• Here’s a Quarter – Call Someone Who Cares, Travis Tritt
• Gives You Hell, American Rejects
• You’ll Think of Me, Keith Urban
• Me, Myself, and I, Beyonce
• I Don’t Care Anymore, Phil Collins
• Better Man, Pearl Jam
• Do My Thang, Miley Cirus
• Peaceful Easy Feelin, The Eagles
• Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright, Bob Dylan
• Irreplaceable, Beyonce
• I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor
• Bye Bye Bye, The Backstreet Boys

Reading between the lines, one might get a little message like…

• F/Forget You. I Hate Everything About You and you know what, I Heard It Through the Grape Vine that you’re seeing someone now and actually, Rumor Has It you were probably messin’ around anyways. But after everything we’ve been through? Ugh, Burn. I didn’t think someone could be as Cold As You. This has all been such Hell On The Heart and in turn, You Give Love a Bad Name. I feel like I got hit by, I don’t know, Like a Wrecking Ball but you know what? You Must Be Out Of Your Mind because those days with me were probably the Best Days of Your Life. As it turns out, you didn’t deserve them and for that, I Hate Myself For Loving You. Okay to be fair, I hate myself for loving Whiskey and You. But back to the point, You’re So Vain, I hope you just Go Your Own Way; maybe jump on the Highway to Hell. Remember that What Goes Around Comes Around but when it does Here’s a Quarter – Call Someone Who Cares. I hope the next girl you date really Gives You Hell and I know that when she does, You’ll Think of Me but it’ll be too late because I’m looking out for Me, Myself, and I now and honestly I Don’t Care Anymore. I found me a Better Man and I’m just gunna Do My Thang from now on; that always gives me a Peaceful Easy Feelin. So really, Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright. I know I’m Irreplaceable and that I Will Survive so Bye bye bye.

I’m just sayin’… that’d make for one hell of a “subtle” letter-style station list.

 

I will… cut… you…

Last night I was walking through Target when I realized how empty my stomach felt – I’m in that awful-terrible beginning part of a diet when you’re reminding your body what acceptable portions are and 5 minutes after you finish eating, you’re hungry again because you’ve gotten so used to eating enough for like… three…ish.

Anyway, I was walking through Target, starving and in physical pain from the emptiness of my insides (physically and emotionally, now that we’re talking about it) and I put my hand on my stomach to give it a little, “it’s okay, I promise I’ll feed you something (boring) soon” peptalk. Almost immediately, the woman in the shampoo aisle with me turned her head admiringly, grinned, and said, “Aw, when are you due?”

…if (hungry) eyes can say, “bitch, I will cut you” …I assure you, mine did…

So we’re clear, this is me: 

Sure, I need to stay on a good work-out-grind for Summer, but I hardly think I’m pregnant looking?

I’m not usually very quick-thinking. I’m one of those people who comes up with a comeback like 4 hours later and makes a note to use it next time. But I’m proud to say that the “h-anger” in me kicked in and I managed a stunned, “Uh, I don’t know. Like 5-10 years from now if things go well.”

And then I walked my happy-hungry-ass down to the Valentine’s Day candy aisle like…

Unless someone looks like they’re about to drop to the ground and start pushing, I’d say “when are you due?” is never a safe question.

…Wench.

Tossing and turning…

Ughhhh, I can’t sleep.

For the last two hours, I have been staring at the ceiling; racking my brain, reliving conversations and events, tearing myself apart, and challenging God; telling Him what I want when He knows what I need.

Do you ever feel like you’re fighting for your Faith? Like… I KNOW God is with me. I KNOW He has a plan for me. I KNOW He goes before me. I KNOW he will not let me down. And I KNOW He is on my side.

…but honestly and shamefully, sometimes on nights like these when I should easily and trustingly give it all up to Him and go to sleep; I don’t. Instead I lie awake hurting and doubting Him and His plan. I know it’s terrible and I know it’s a waste, because I know – and I know I know – all of the above things and that when morning rolls around I’ll feel more grounded and be back on track.

…the devil sneaks around at night. That’s what I think. Planting insecurities and doubts in the darkness. He has a hold of me tonight …he had a hold of me tonight…

Because I know my God is here.

I know He is always here.

I know He has a hand on my shoulder.

I know He is guiding my life.

I know I am loved and blessed and in good hands.

And I know that these nights end.

And that the sun will come up tomorrow.

And He will still be here.

Despite my arguing with Him for the last 2 hours, He will still be here.

Forgiving, all-knowing, all-seeing, unconditionally loving…

  

Get some sleep …I’m talking to myself but you too! Sweet dreams.

Sippin’ that purple drank.

Ugh. I hate being sick. Last Saturday, my mom and I were out and about and I stupidly said, “I don’t even remember the last time I was sick!” and by Tuesday, I’d contracted the black-lung. Or you know, a head-cold. The misery!

I made it through the majority of the work week but was aggressively sent home yesterday morning because I was gross. My boss really is awesome and it was worded with more love but essentially, I was icky. I’m reluctantly back in the office today because when my phone read that I had 30 unopened work emails, I was like, “oh heyl no.” So, I’m here catching up.

I don’t have much more to say today except use your hand-sanitizer and take your vitamins! This badboy is no joke. It’s only 9am and I’m already counting down to bedtime (which will be like 7pm tonight).

Anyway, I found this meme yesterday while I was dying on my couch and it makes me laugh, even if it hurts to laugh… How true is this…

Stay well!

You’ve only met girls.

Just a quick one because it’s Monday, and the first Monday of the year, and of the month (obviously) and when you’re in marketing, like I am, that means madness.

But yesterday I had one of my new favorite life moments.

I picked up these flowers at the grocery store, like I do sometimes and jumped in line (milk, wine, flowers). The man behind me checking out said, “Ha, buying those for yourself?” I whipped my head around and was probably looking at him like he had three heads (because one of the greatest relationships I have is with myself and I’ve worked hard for it) but before I opened my mouth to say something regrettable (“kick rocks,” “bite me,” “you’re wearing cargo shorts in December, you loser”), the little old lady behind him said “Ha, if you’ve never met a woman who knows she deserves flowers, you’ve only met girls.”

…pretty sure she’s my soul sister.

Anyway, aren’t they pretty? They’re sparkly! I love sparkly!

Have a great Monday back in your offices!

A quick Happy New Year…

What a year!  It’s been another one of those tough but amazing years, one of those in-between years, the “I’m on my way” years. I spent some of it up, some of it down, and the majority of it hanging on for dear life, haha. I’ve been repeatedly and undeservingly scooped up and filled up by God’s grace, good friends, and amazing family. 

I am thankful for the joys and the struggles of this last year and for everyone who contributed to both. Gettin’ me where I’m gettin’ to. ☺️ Happy 2016, sweet friends. 

“Travel light in life. Take only what you need: loving family, good friends, simple pleasures, someone to love, someone to love you, enough to wear, enough to eat, and a little more than enough to drink… because thirst is a dangerous thing.”