This week was not ideal.
Long story short, the company I love and work for lost the pitch to keep the business in my area.
I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt; that I didn’t take it really personally; that my eyes don’t hurt from crying/trying not to cry; that I don’t feel a little betrayed; that I’m not angry, disappointed, and a little scared.
Leading up to this pitch and Co-op vote, I found and lived my every day repeating this prayer:
God, I know I am impatient, so prone to worrying, to giving up, to losing hope. Help me to rest in Your promises today. In this season of waiting, renew my joy in this moment so that I do not miss Your presence in this place. Thank You for being with me and for never giving up on me. Thank You for always working for my good and for Your glory even when I can’t see. In Jesus’ name, Amen
It’s a good one. A really good one for me, as I have a bad habit of throwing myself into a worry or stress and neglecting to recognize the light and blessings all around it.
…“In this season, renew my joy in this moment that I do not miss Your presence in this place”…
My joy. His Presence. In this moment.
Here in this place. Here in this situation.
For my good. For His glory.
From here, I vow to focus on three things:
- God has a perfect plan for me; a beautiful plan far beyond my comprehension and likely so much bigger than anything I could ever dream up. I’ve been reminded of this on repeat over my last 28 years. I’ve cried over an embarrassing number of things that, looking back, were stepping stones on the way to something much more amazing. God has a plan. And I will trust Him to see it through in me. I will be open to His guidance and I will not doubt His direction for me.
- My people … (pause: thankful-crying) … my people are amazing. In response to my bad news yesterday (and really in response to my stress levels leading up to it), my people overwhelmed me with love, encouragement, support, “we‘ll figure it out”s, leads, comfort, prayers, and in one case, tulips and icecream. I’ve said it a lot that I have terrible luck – and it’s true that wild and sometimes unfortunately things are often happening to me – but having the people I do in my life; people I love and who love me (and so well), easily makes me a very very… very lucky girl. Luckiest in the world, really.
- Perspective. Hurricanes are crashing into islands; crushing homes and changing lives. People are being diagnosed with Cancers. Others are starving. Families are watching loved ones suffer. Women are losing children. Children are losing parents. …I lost a job/business account… How so very lucky and blessed I am that this is my “suffering.”
Thank You for always working for my good
and for Your glory even when I can’t see.
In Jesus’ name, Amen
It’s been two full years since I totaled Sally-Civic (Phew! Statute of limitations is up!). Two full years since a very sweet lady pulled over on the side of 95 and helped me out of my car. Two full years since the nicest state trooper I’ve ever met sat me in his squad car and talked me down from passing out while we waited for the ambulance. Two full years since five firemen sweetly knelt down around me and bandaged up my (later stitched-up) knee while very likely (but surely accidentally) looking up my dress. Two full years since I limped around on a date with one of those firemen who seemed dreamy and charming. And a little less than two full years since I went on a second date with said-fireman and learned that he was (definitely) not (though, I guess he had already looked up my dress and I should have known better).
At the risk of being dramatic, I might should have died that day – at least gotten a lot more hurt. I wrecked during a rush hour on interstate 95 in the far left lane and somehow drifted, briefly unconscious and surrounded by airbags and that awful airbag-smoke-smell, across three lanes where my car stopped on it’s own 50 yards down the road on the far right shoulder. How I wasn’t hit as my car made it’s way across those lanes and so far down the highway can really only be attributed to God looking out for me.
The stories that followed that accident are mostly funny – knowing those firemen really did probably see up my dress as a sat on the guardrail hyperventilating (I actually told them I was going to faint – as you know, I don’t do well with blood. They all jumped up and freaked out thinking I meant I had hit my head or something. I had to calm them down and say it was just the blood issue… and they laughed at me) and going on those two dates with the one (who I’ve bumped into around town a few times since – once sleepily, makeup-less, in my pajamas, with my hair on top of my head as I evacuated my apartment building for a fire alarm at 3 o’clock in the morning).
But really, it reminded me, and continues to remind me, of our power to encourage, comfort, support, and affect one another. In the days following that accident, I was overwhelmed by love; all of the strangers who had been so sweet to me, one of my best friends – Alex (previously mentioned) leaving work and getting stuck in the traffic that I had caused to pick me up because I desperately did not want to ride in the ambulance, and everyone who checked on me and sent their love. I still think about all of that kindness regularly.
I’m obsessed with the power we have to impact each other’s lives, and incredibly blessed and thankful that people repeatedly use that power to positively affect me.
That’s all. 🙂